Not ready

This weekend a few of my friends came up to my new home to visit my family and see the new shop (and eats lots of cake! YUM!). It was lovely to see them and as usual we just sat and chatted for hours and hours and they made me realise something about myself that I already knew but I hadn’t really put much thought into.

 

I am definitely not ready to grow up. I’ve known this forever, I hate making decisions, I love being childish, I can’t hold down any sort of relationship, I don’t really have any job aspirations for the near future and I just don’t want “real life” to start any time soon.

 

Two of my best friends are in long term relationships that, at the moment, unless something seriously drastic happens, I can’t see them ending, pretty much ever. That’s a hugely scary concept for me! I haven’t ever really had a relationship longer than about 2 months and sometimes that upsets me but I realise that I want to enjoy this time now where there is no pressure to find someone and settle down. I’m only 20 for God’s sake! I completely understand and don’t judge people in long term relationships in teenage years but I just don’t think it’s the way life was ever supposed to go for me! I’m way too indecisive for that!

 

Another thing I am definitely not ready for is going into the world of work. I decided what I wanted to do with my life about 8 months ago, and the general plan hasn’t changed, just the way I want to get there has. I can’t see myself going from a 3 year degree at university to a year postgrad study straight into a full time job without the time out that I need to travel the world, do stupid things, find myself and my passions and just have the freedom of not worrying for a while. I can see myself being one of those people that has several jobs in my lifetime that I love each of them but can’t settle anywhere.

 

The only things I know for a fact in my future is that I want to see more of the world. I want to live in a foreign country for at least a year. I want to settle when I know I’m ready to and only when I’m prepared to commit to it properly.

 

For now it seems I’ll be living in the moment again, probably for at least another year or two.

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