“In a world full of people we can lose sight of it all”
That’s the line to stick with me the past couple of days. I’ve listened to this song (true colours), in particular Joshua and Erin Evans version (this one), a good few times in the last week. On each listen through it has meant something different. At first, I was grieving Josh’s loss along with him. And then I just listened because I love the song and how their voices suit it. But today, today I feel alone. Again.
I say again because I’ve felt like this for a while. I can be surrounded by people, be with a few friends or with my family here and still feel so alone. I can talk to my friends at home about how much I miss them and how much I want to see them again and feel the love of so many people at once and still feel like I have no one.
I love the opportunities life has given me. I couldn’t regret my decisions for a second. I am not taking away from how lucky I have been to have these experiences. But why does all of this have to come at such a loss? Why do the goodbyes never get easier? Why do the bonds I make only become stronger and harder to let go of? Why do some of the most amazing people I am fortunate enough to meet and call friends have to be the ones I get to spend so little time with?
This place and these people in it changed my life. I have never felt more in love and more alone all at the same time. I will carry this with me forever.
And I will leave you with the words of E. E. Cummings. Today these words are for the heart of this country that has taken me in for the best year of my life and for the people I will never forget.
“I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.”